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Light the sky and hold on tight...

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20th September 2009

10:14pm: If peace is not needing to be in motion,
it is found in gazing in wonder at a distant thing in the sky.

14th April 2009

11:58am: You really don't understand how great it is.
You know how when you fall in love with someone-- someone that's absolutely, indubitably  right for you, someone who understands your needs and what it takes to make you happy, that you feel a sense of bittersweet regret for all the time you wasted with others?

When this someone surpasses your every expectation, you can't help but remember all those lonely nights of bitter disappointment, the frustrated tears, the anguished hours spent wondering if you'd ever find the One?

This one's for you, Tresemme'.

Yeah, this is a post about a hair care line. A collection of shampoos, conditioners and styling products that I bypassed time and time again as I fruitlessly searched the health and beauty aisle in search of the magic product that would deliver on its promises.

And none ever did.

It's not like Tresemme' didn't try. It told me, with commercials of women with lush, shimmering hair that it could give me everything I ever wanted--but they all said that. Each one promised me shiny, bouncy hair that would compel me to toss it constantly. But I just wouldn't listen to Tresemme'.

So it waited patiently. Quietly gathered dust on the shelf and watched wistfully as I selected the pricier brands with the flashy packaging, knowing in its liquid heart that one day, at last, I would say "damn it, fine"  and toss it and its conditioner counterpart in my basket.

That first wash...indescribable. Thick lather, buttery conditioner, hair that detangled with the slightest touch of the brush. The fresh scent lingered, and the silkiness lasted well into the next day. I ran back to the store for the complementing spray gel and hairspray, and every new implement I discovered of the brand left me happier than the last. All for less than half the price of other brands.

I feel so foolish for not listening. We could've had so many happy years together, if only I could've overcome my pride.

No matter. I've finally found the one.

(And seriously. I'm not exaggerating. This stuff is so good that I really did have to write about it.)
Current Mood: cheerful

28th May 2007

4:01am: All the things that are different now, and still I cannot get myself to bed at a reasonable hour.

Of getting older
I'm finding
losing, falling and a wanting for things
too big for even my deepest breath on the cottony tops of wishing weeds.
I am trying my best to forget to look for you
in all the places you used to be--
and making fists against the emptiness of my hands.
To let minutes be seconds and not made of moments
and to speak words that do not prick the heart.
In these ordinary days that pass before my quiet eyes
I move as slightly as a ghost
so that nothing will break
as getting older
means most of all
no longer hurting myself.

For now, that's as well as I can tell it.
Current Mood: hungry

5th January 2007

11:44pm: Today I saw the most beautiful rainbow I'd ever seen in my entire life. I felt like a little Cydney as I walked across the damp parking lot and watched people, in this day of computers and plasma and microwaves and lasers stop and turn beaming faces to the sky, and in the dreamy part of my mind, knew (hoped) that that's what the last day on Earth would look like.
Current Mood: mellow

28th September 2005

12:56am: Thanks, John Donne.
Heaven certainly can't be anything like poetry or scripture would have us believe...I imagine and hope that it's closer to something like an endless jam session of music that never repeats...with the heavenly father seated somewhere in the back wearing jazz sunglasses, nodding his head to the beat, keeping it with his hands. The son of God(who looks more like Jim Morrison than even he'd believe) passes some kind of pipe(marijuana is absurd for heaven, so it isn't that)that contains a substance that never runs out, doesn't wane in potency and is possessed of a somehow clarifying element for all the senses...Jesus throwing back all the answers to every question that ever made your night-blind eyes search your midnight ceiling, all that knowledge in a perfectly reasonable and digestible portion--dinosaurs and molecules and Amelia Earhart and all those words you could never mold into phrase.

And then there'd be that nervous guy(you know), who'd suddenly jump up and say "Oh, shit, man. What time is it? I gotta--"

The son of God, completely nonplussed by this urgent interruption, would be leisurely about glancing in that guy's direction, and smile with an understanding that is still greater than what we'll ever achieve and say,

"We are so done with time here."

And that's when you'd get it.

Current Mood: calm

1st June 2005

11:58pm: Escapsim is on tap tonight...
I need anyone with good music, some sense of adventure, much sense of humor and willingness to escape this horrid weather with me.

Rain for the next 10 days? Lazy, soggy, dripping rain?

Are you kidding?
Let's go.
Current Mood: devious

29th May 2005

12:48am: Wow. Yes.
Negin's graduation party ranks as one of the greatest events I ever attended. In my life. Ever.

Everyone danced. That was beautiful.

Here's hoping that there will be many more Summer nights in my life in which I dance through midnight in bare feet and a sundress with people I barely know and the people I love.

And as my ears warmed to intricate, winding music amid the aroma of colliding spices in dinner, I realized something wonderful about being out of high school--

From here, the world can get really, really big.
Current Mood: giddy

17th May 2005

1:55am: The end is near....
I don't think I've quite grasped the magnitude of it yet.
I don't think I believe that this necessarily has to be a massive emotional undertaking in which I say a million goodbyes and sort through the epiphanies that are disheveling me on the inside.

If I am to know you tomorrow, distance is nothing.
If I am to miss you, I'm sure my heart has already reserved a place.
If we want to remember, the years will not cloud our hindsight.
...and if we want to forget, time will be easy to blame.

Thank everything. Thank everyone-- even if I hated you(even if I still do), you somehow contributed to getting me here.
For that, I thank you.

I want to take some sort of travel. Not for the sake of celebration or escapism or even asserting my independence, but because I want to see-- I want to test the knowledge I've acquired against the world I've heard so much about. To learn more than what I've been prepared for.
I believe that it's time for that.
Current Mood: calm

9th May 2005

12:39am: Buffalo Wild Wings hijacked my life this weekend, and that was nearly all I did.

The job is generally fun, though. Lots of good conversations with coworkers, some bad semiconversations with the hired eggplant behind the counter we sometimes call Ashley.
*Shakes head*

I'm sort of mad that I haven't seen Rene' in so long that I was inclined to hug her when we finally worked together on Friday. I don't really see anyone, at all, ever, and I think this should change. Soon/now.
I should note that I have a wonderful boyfriend...us being together makes a whole lot of sense, largely because we both want to be happy together, and so are working on the relationship...together.
I should, and I do note, that Erik is wonderful.


I'm on the verge of throwing a massive "come as you are" party for the majority of everyone I know, because it seems that we/you all are very unhappy.
A party of such magnitude to include very loud and agreeable music, excellent conversations(even if we must import them), fireflies and breezes, considerable amounts of dancing and a quantity of maraschino cherries large enough to fill a bathtub in addition to foods required to involve that questionably delicious punch of lime sherbet and ginger ale.
Because this party, I am sure, would make us all happy.
I hate to hear/read about the terrible, mournful things that seem to be termiting away at our youthfulness. I hate to acknowledge the presence of such things in myself.
I walked to the sink, turned on the faucet, brushed my teeth, turned off the light, returned to my bedroom and pet my cat.
Certainly mundane, but with glancing examination, I was grateful for the 7 or so factors of the above sentence that make me a very fortunate person in comparison to a too-large part of the world's population.
And I think, that if I continue to realize and reflect on those sorts of thoughts, I may end up pretty happy after all.
Current Mood: thoughtful

9th April 2005

4:10am: Rest In Peace, Patrick Frensley. 1986-2005.
Two laughing blue stars are what I remember.
Who could catch a May morning,
when the dogwoods blossomed bright?
And there you were:
an endless, dauntless sun
unsurmountable by any depth of mourning.
Always ahead:
to the next shining thing,
flying in steps,
and again--you've gone on ahead.
Into the most brilliant--
and all the brightest mornings are for Patrick.

If only words were sufficient. I think, the most fundamentally good person I've ever known...I can't understand.
In these times, I think the only firm thing I'll ever be able to say:
I hope the universe looks beautiful from where he is.

10th March 2005

11:00am: It's not nostalgia..it's just wondering what happened to:

Anybody know?
Current Mood: confused

4th December 2004

1:04pm: I don't understand.

I hope there's peace now.

I hope the universe looks beautiful from where he is.

21st November 2004

9:56pm: I wonder what it is about a kitten, a rainy Sunday and The Postal Service which makes me so curiously and deliriously happy with little regard for gravity.

17th October 2004

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5th May 2004

3:12am: Here comes AP again....

Raining in my head like a tragedy...(A prize to whoever names the song)

A *comic* tragedy. It seems I actually spent money--MORE--money to take these wicked 4-hour tests that have consumed an entire year for their preparation and could amount to a whole lot of nothing. I feel so...used.
AP U.S. History exam Friday...bound to be harder than Language(Monday's gift)because they'll want facts this time. Death.  I'm currently tangled in a torrid affair with a man by the name of Alan Brinkley and 1159 pages(I attribute passing last year's exam to reading the entire text, and will continue that ridiculous trend)of history that lacks torture, epic battles(and I'm talking Troy.  The Civil War was weak, comparatively), or any sort of hero I can attach my admiration to.  There's a method, to this. Things you're going to need. So here, despairing upcoming AP students, I give you--The Academy Survival Kit, Beta Version.

1. Copious amounts of Ramen noodles.  Get creative with your recipe variations and buy lots of flavors...they're the official food of the AP program, proven to maintain sustenance in dying students in the morning's wee hours.
2. Music by the following: Weezer, Deathcab for Cutie, The Postal Service, The Flaming Lips, Radiohead, Yellowcard, and the late Elliott Smith.  Angst accordingly while you study your youth away.
3.  Satire, and lots of it.  A good starting point is www.theonion.com: a fine source for all your cynical newspaper needs.
4. The List of Guaranteed Answers for Mr. Lynch.  In any order, at any timeCollapse )
5. Jamey McDermott.
6. Cydney's famous cookies.  I don't make them often, but they're said to lift spirits in times of natural/academic/nuclear disasters and halt unfortunate acts of God/Lynch.
7. A Live or Deadjournal.  Screw Xanga. 
8. www.pinkmonkey.com. The best booknotes/study guide site I've found.
9. A table at Waffle House, preferably at 2 AM or later.
10. Haikus. Write lots of them.
11. A copy of the Vox Humana. Especially a back issue from the class of 2002

Current Mood: nerdy
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